Planet Bruce's Weblog

American Idol Recap - Week 4

[Due to technical problems, I wasn't able to post this before Wednesday's voting, but here is my recap and prediction for week 4, which I wrote in advance of the result's show.]

Ryan Seacrest wore a spirograph, Japanese sweater thing. Stick to the T-shirts. This weeks theme was "Classical Musicals" but there were few classics. The recap:

1. Scott Savol's "Imposssible Dream" would come to an end were it not for Anthony singing even worse. The man of la mangia was elegant in a dark pinstripe suit; his performance was heartfelt but as pitchy as the windmills

2. Constantine Maroulis is no babe in arms but my wife would like to make him her "Funny Valentine." His sultry jazz/improv torch song rendition in a long black morning coat didn't leave the girls flat even if the last note was. With the tuxedo and watch chain, all he was missing was the monacle.

3. Carrie and I, "Hello Young Lover" was mind-numbingly boring but she brought it on home. Even if her hair and dress were old-fashioned, she is an old favorite and will cruise on through.

4. Vonzell Solomon is Barbara's kind of "People" . This funny girl looked glam in a brown flowered wrap dress and straight hair. She'll live to challenge yet another diva.

5. Anthony Federov in his blue shirt and disco white pants can't climb this mountain. Too lounge-y, too pitchy, too late. He'll be voted off this week.

6. Nikko Smith - "One Hand, One Heart" from West Side Story proved he is no Shark or Jet despite the sleek wardrobe (and matching sneakers). Weak song choice will put him in the bottom three.

7. Anwar Robinson, "If Ever I Would Leave You" it wouldn't be this week. His torch song Stevie Wonder version, complete with Hendrix-meets-Sgt.-Pepper velvet jacket and scarf was just the ticket to ride. Excellent if not inspirational.

8. Bo Bice was in his "Corner of the Sky" with a ketchup naugahide shirt and leather pants. "He looks shiny" was the best I can say about it, but he'll survive. Why the Christ didn't he do a tune from "Jesus Christ Superstar"?

9. Nadia Turner in an elegant white dress that fell off her lithe, size 1 frame belted out a torch song that was too old for her. She's not Liza but she'll be back.

Prediction: Nikko, Scott, and Anthony will be in the bottom three and Anthony is history.

American Idol Results - Week 3

As per my prediction Jessica Sierra was voted off the show tonight. Despite a strong performance last night, Nadia was again in the bottom two. Somewhat surprisingly, Anwar was also in the lowest three. It seems that the audience is voting mainly on the most recent performance rather than the body of work.

Jessica just wasn't consistent enough and Carrie probably pulls votes away from her. Despite talent, she doesn't have that "it" factor and probably won't have a meaningful singing career.

Somewhat surprisingly, Nikko and Scott have yet to even be in the bottom three. Less surprisingly, three women are already out of the competition. But Carrie will carry the torch for the women, even if Vonzell and Nadia don't. Carrie remains the odds-on favorite unless we start seeing something spectacular from the men. Anwar and Bo are probably the only men who can beat her in the long run, and that's a long shot.

Epstein out!

American Idol Recap - Week 3

The theme for the show was "The 90s". The show started out weak but with no obvious bombs. As my daughter said, "After Mikalah was out, they're all good. It will be so sad if Nikko has to leave again." They didn't name all the songs this week, and I watched it late on tape, but here is my summary before tonight's results show.

4. Bo Bice - Weak choice for a Black Crowe's song ("Remedy"). Between the cow-cowboy hat and the red velvet shirt, "I'm glad I can look back at it and not remember it" even if he did have hints of Meat Loaf. Bo's safe this week.

2. Jessica Sierra's no Lee Ann Rhimes after all. The purple coat was too tight for her anyway. She will be in the bottom three and probably leaving the show this week.

3. Anwar Robinson - "I Believe I Can Sing" . Pitchy in places. He'll escape trouble this week, but his clothier isn't the only one in jeopardy.

4. Nadia Turner - No longer looking like a chicken--hot and sultry in a tank and peasant skirt, she's the "Only One" for me and Melissa. She's safe..

5. Constantine Maroulis - "I Can't Make You Love Me" but my wife loved you. BTB (Better than Bo). His best performance to date.

6. Nikko was weako, but props on the fly toreador outfit and the dance moves. Give me just one more chance to be in the bottom three and then start a clothing line with Scotty.

7. Anthony Federov - "I Can't Explain the Way You Look Tonight" in lime green. He must have thrown away his glasses with Scott. Poor song choice but his best performance in weeks. Safe for tonight.

8. Carrie Underwood's "Day of Reckoning" isn't far off. Verdict: The next Martina McBride despite the green scarf.

9. Scotty Savol gave his best but the velvet striped pajamas may not be enough. Definitely in the bottom three tonight.

10. Vonzell Solomon has me and the rest of the world with the kinky hair, electric smile, slinky black dress and admirable rendition of Whitney pre-hab. I had goosebumps. Props to you.

Prediction: Jessica is out. Nikko and Scott will join her in the bottom three but survive another week. Too bad, Jessica just isn't consistent enough, and there are too many stronger performers.

American Idol Results - Week 2

As per my prediction Mikalah Gordon was booted and Nadia Turner was the second lowest vote-getter. There was little suspense, although Anthony Federov's weak performance did land him in the bottom three as well.

To her credit, Mikalah maintained good spirits, and she'll soon be doing either voice-overs or teen sitcoms. The biggest news of the night was Paula "Hit and Run" Adbul pleading no contest to, surprise, hitting and running.

Epstein out!

American Idol Re-Recap - Week 2

There was a technical problem with the last night's voting, so they re-voted tonight. Wednesday's "Live Re-Run" show may be the first do-over in the history of reality TV. Too bad this didn't happen in 2000 in Florida.

Nothing changed and little was new expect Paula's cleavage

Carrie Underwood was back with her original hair, sweet smile, and Alice in Wonderland (or Dorothy in WoOz) dress. I can't wait for the school girl plaid skirt.

Scotty Savol wore the same clothes. What is this, a Sienfeld episode? At least Nikko changed out of his pimp outfit; unfortunately, it was into a bright red shirt.

Bo Bice wore a hipster gray suit with a striped shirt. Constantine lost the scarf but still looked like a poodle in a leather jacket.

Vonzell Solomon looked elegant in black and white.

Nadia Turner, no longer sporting the Nadia-hawk said it was a tribute to Mario Vasquez. Huh? Is that what Mario had been hiding under those stupid hats?

Mikalah Gordon is starting her own fashion line of "My job is to Annoy you" T-shirts. I'm glad she already has another gig lined up.

Anwar Robinson showed up in his Cosby sweater and showed off his versa-chill-ity.

Jessica Sierra looked much better in blue, along with her bluesy vocals that sounded remarkably like Bonnie Tyler, even if she did repeat that "Livin' in a powder keg and givin' off sparks" line twice.

Predictions remain the same: Mikalah will be out. Nadia and Nikko will also be in jeopardy if they don't improve in future weeks. Jessica and Vonzell have to keep up the strong showings, as they have no fan bases to carry them through weak performances.

Epstein out!

American Idol Recap - Week 2

Apparently, there was a technical problem with the voting, so there won't be a results show tonight. Instead, there will be more singing and replaying of past performances. Here is what you missed last night.

The theme for the show was "Billboard #1 Songs". Seacrest wore a red t-shirt that read "I (Heart) Expensive T-Shirts." The night was characterized by Paula slobbering on Simon at every opportunity. As my daughter said, "If they're married to different people, I think they'll be breaking up soon."

1. Anthony Federov - "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me" to finish this uninspired and pitchy performance while wearing a casual, frayed jacket. Good enough to return, because he doesn't have to outrun the bear.

2. Who wouldn't want to be "Alone" with Carrie Underwood? She worked it out big time, proving you can look good in a sash despite the 80s hair. Huge career in the offing whether she wins or not.

3. Scotty the Body Savol worked it out "Against All Odds" in a big black velvet jogging suit. I had chills long before he threw away his glasses.

4. Bo Bice - If I could save "Time in a Bottle", the first thing I'd do is throw this performance in the recycling bin. Weak, despite the fly double-crucifix shirt. He'll be back on past strengths alone.

5. Nikko Smith - was "Incomplete" without some ho's to go with the black pimp coat and hat. Pitchy in places, he brought it home but he is no Usher.

6. Vonzell Solomon got the "Best of My Love" going in the gray pantaloons and pink t-shirt. She can come to my pajama party any time. Her best performance by far.

7. Constantine Maroulis - "I think I Love You" doing a trippy David Cassidy impression, even if you did hold the mic in an obscene position (were you smoking it or offering it a bj?)

8. Nadia Turner - "Time After Time" the Duran-Duran mohawk signifies a bold and energetic performance. Cyndi Lauper would be proud, even though I prefer Tuck and Patti's version.

9. Mikalah Gordon - "Love will Lead You Back" to Las Vegas, because you're going home even if you sound like Taylor Dayne. You're out of your league, despite the Yvonne DeCarlo look and spiky heels.

10. Anwar Robinson - "Ain't Nobody" else who could pull off the bell bottoms. Weak start, weaker dancing, but a strong finish and a loyal fan base.

11. Jessica Sierra's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" eclipsed her previous bad performance, despite the hideous "I dream of Jeannie" baby doll. She'll be back next week.

Prediction: Mikalah is out. Nadia and Nikko will also be in jeopardy if they don't improve.

American Idol Results - Week 1

As per my prediction Lindsay Cardinale, Mikalah Gordon, and Jessica Sierra were the three lowest vote-getters, and Lindsay was booted. To her credit, Lindsay gave a spirited reprise of her losing performance while still reminding everyone why she was voted off.

The only surprise of the night was Nadia Turner with her hair pulled back. I guess she was tired of being mistaken for the girl in the Old Navy shorts commercial.

Epstein out!

American Idol Recap - Week 1

With the prelims out of the way, we're finally into the real American Idol competition with just 12 contestants left. The big surprise was Mario Vasquez's vanishing act. For "personal reasons," he dropped out of the competition but will read the Top 10 list on tonight's Letterman.

Here is the recap of tonight's show. The theme was "The 60s", which predated the contestant's birthdates by two decades, and it showed. Can someone old enough to remember the Beatles please help these guys out!?

1. Jessica Sierra - She's no Jessica Simpson. What the orange top left in little doubt, the gold sash drove home--you better "Shop Around" for a new wardrobe and a fitness club membership. Bluesy vocals may carry her through to the next round, but she might well be out.

2. Anwar Robinson - Dressed to kill like Keanu, "A House is Not a Home" brought the house down. Not his best performance, but some solid crooning with a hint of Stevie Wonder. His electric smile will easily carry him through to next week.

3. Mikalah Gordon - The hot and tarty look was enough to make any "Son of a Preacher Man" make a deal with the devil. She won't last more than a few weeks, but teen sitcoms and movie casting agents await her departure (does Fran Drescher need a stunt double?).

4. Constantine Maroulis - "You've Made Me So Very Happy" along with millions of post-pubescent girls. This smoldering idol lit everyone's fire despite occasional pitch problems and the lamest wardrobe of the night. Definitely returning, but maybe next time he'll pick a Jim Morrison song.

5. Lindsay Cardinale - With any luck--"Knock on Wood"--we won't have to sit through her performance next week. In a word: "wooden". If she was as fat as Jessica Sierra, she'd have been gone long ago. At least she stopped cupping her own breast.

6. Anthony Federov - Appearing surprisingly muscular in all black, like the love child of Neil Sedaka and Johnny Cash, he commanded the stage through a slightly painful rendition of "Breaking up is Hard to Do". Like Ahnold, he'll be back.

7. Nadia Turner - "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" but I do! Nadia was glowing in green while strutting her stuff. Easily the best performance of the night, despite the sneer and spittle. If only she could have sang at the Oscars instead of Beyonce.

8. Bo Bice - For god sake's shave. Those goatee things never look good on anybody. His rendition of "Spinning Wheel" will spin him into the next round.

9. Vonzel Solomon - "Anyone Who Had a Heart" would love her heart-shaped ass in pink taffeta. But Valentine's day was last month and she has all the sex appeal of my post lady. No rapport with the camera, but she brought it home and is safe for now.

10. Scott Savol - "Ain't too Proud to Beg" or afraid take it up several octaves. Looking suave in suede, Scott even waddled down to woo the judges' table like Tonya Harding. If he continues to get this much cooler week-to-week, he is going to become Nikko Smith by week 7.

11. Carrie Underwood - "When Will I be Loved?" - when you drop on all fours and stop dressing like Lindsay Cardinale. Lose the gold lame scarf. She'll survive to try again.

12. Nikko Smith - "I Want you Back" next week, and you'll be there. Tip: Don't sing songs by people on trial for pedophilia. But we love you Nikko, if only because we don't have to look at Mario's hats any more.

Prediction: Lindsay or Jessica is out this week (or perhaps Mikalah). Regardless, Lindsay, Jessica, Mikalah, Scott, and Vonzell will be the first five to go. Then Nikko, Anthony, and Constantine will be out. The final four will include Bo Bice, Carrie Underwood, and Anwar Robinson, but Nadia Turner is the one to beat.

Till next week, keep it real.

Seacrest out!